Lessons From My Father

 

It has been nearly a month since Daddy was told there were no more treatment options for him and he is doing quite well. He has since had a catheter placed in his abdomen so his stomach can be drained every couple of days and this has made all the difference in the world. He has been able to keep food and liquids down and has not thrown up once since this was put in place. My Mother takes extraordinary care of him and keeps him very comfortable. He is not in great amounts of pain but tires easily; his physical strength is diminishing, however his "Will Power" is something that Cancer can never force him to give-up or take away from him; because of this he made it to Fish Lake, just as he had planned to, another milestone for him, another lesson for the rest of us. It was his belief that if he did all that he could do to prepare himself physically he would be blessed with the health, strength and assistance needed for him to be well enough to enjoy this time with his Family. He did more than just believe this would happen, He knew that it would happen and he was right; everything came together. Neighbors and Friends went out of their way to help contribute to his trip. They made special flies for him to fish with, changed the oil in his ATV's and drove 6 hours out of there way to tow his Trailer, not just once but twice in one week. As I have mentioned in previous posts, it is the Compassion of others that make the difference, once again
here is an example of that; we are humbled by your kindness, grateful for your good works and thankful for your compassion.
As I was fishing next to Daddy I laughed to myself as I  thought back to him teaching me to tie my own fishing pole. Daddy was always my biggest support when it came to me hating most things normal little girls loved, which was great but what it meant for me was a lot of various lessons learned in life that most little girls don't have to experience. What I remember about this particular experience and lesson in my life was him saying to me,
"Becky I am going to teach you how to do this so you can start doing it yourself from now on, and then I can actually Fish!" It is a lesson I not only remember, but instructions and directions I have recalled and followed ever since. This past summer I was called to serve in the Young Woman's group in our ward. For those who may not be members of my same Faith this is a youth organization constructed within the LDS church to help guide, direct and hopefully instill a spiritual sense of purpose and direction in the girls, only we have a lot of fun doing it. One of the traditions of this organization is a Summer Camp, we refer to as Girl's Camp....way better than Scout Camp by the way, trust me!!! Anyway this year I found myself with another leader who had gone out of her way to plan and prepare to take a group of 12-17 year old girls fishing. Remembering of course what Daddy had taught me long ago I was very excited to volunteer to help and Renee was very excited there was another leader who would be able to. Now for those of you who have children you will very much appreciate when I say I went in totally unprepared. Within 10 minutes there were snagged lines, snapped lines, broken bubbles, broken reels, hooks in jeans and girls who were just learning to cast and making it about 4 ft out in front of them, still in the rocks. I found myself frustrated and shaking my head when Daddy's words came to my mind. "Becky I am going to teach you how to do this so you can start doing it yourself from now on, and I can actually Fish!" I thought it funny then and appreciated it even more now as I stood next to him on the bank and watched as several Grandchildren were now taking his bait, losing his pliers and asking to hold his fishing pole while he fixed theirs... I totally got it!

Another lesson I learned from my father was that "if you caught it, you cleaned it." and I don't mean give it a bath, I mean open heart surgery. This has been a helpful skill to have learned because although I enjoy catching the fish I do not enjoy eating them, and there is a guilty place inside my me, most call it a conscience, that tells me not to fish and waste. So I have found that if I volunteer to clean the Fish I am not forced into cooking or eating them yet I can still enjoy catching them with a clear conscience. This go around as I was preparing to clean the days catch I found that two of my nieces were tailing me and I thought this an opportunity to pass on the lessons of my Father and bestow upon these very curious 3 and 4 year old girls the wisdom Daddy had once bestowed upon me, only this experience ended with one niece in tears on the ground under the tailgate and the other one asking through looks of shock and horror, "Becky, do I have to do that when I get bigger?" My response was the same as Daddy's, "only if you catch them."


























Daddy has taught all of us many things over the years, how to safely use and handle a firearm (My experience with this by the way was Daddy volunteering to run from tree to tree in order for us to successfully measure the distance and accuracy each pump of the BB Gun would cover; lesson learned here is that 10 pumps is enough to hit a grown man in the tushie from about 25 ft. away and it is very accurate,) he has also taught me life saving survival skills so when your lost and left out in the elements to sleep overnight you can scream loud enough for help, that works by the way. Another life altering lesson was that at the age of 8 taught Daddy taught me to drive his 3 wheeled ATV, which I quickly put into a ditch, an tipped over on top of me but as I stood there reflecting on these things although they were entertaining and fun I realized they were not nearly as important as the Spiritual Lessons that he has always taught me and by standing there casting out his line, was still teaching me.
The necessity to always exercise ones Faith is so much more essential than knowing how to load a BB Gun, and Daddy's ability to do this astounds me. We are talking about a man who believes in miracles, who believes that if it were part of a greater plan, a higher power could and would take this cancer from him, healing his body totally and completely; yet he has strength and courage enough to accept that his greater purpose, much more Divine, may be elsewhere. Daddy's Liver is failing, his body is shrinking, and his physical abilities are slowing but as he faces these challenges, spiritually he is still growing, learning and teaching me lessons that I will remember for the rest of my life. As I face the pain and fear adversity brings I will reflect on these moments; I will remember seeing him standing at the edge of that Lake and recognize the Courage and Spiritual Strength it took to get there. I will apply this lesson and all that he has taught me, because just as Daddy knows in times like these what we all need to do is as promised in Joshua 1:9-
"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." and we will never be left comfortless.
Daddy believes this, his choices and decisions reflect this and his "Faith" in action testifies of this; another Lesson from my Father and one that I am happy to share with you!
Never Give Up; Do More Than Just Hope, Be Strong, Courageous and BELIEVE!!!

 

 

 

 



"Chemo Coaster..."

Jake Baby Blessing

Bailee Baptism

Ammon Baby Blessing

It is not my intention to use this blog as a platform to document the misery and deterioration that this disease can cause, especially since it is impacting the life of my Father, however it is a place where I can share experiences that may help others to know they are not alone in thinking and feeling the many thoughts and emotions they will also experience as Caretakers, Family Members, Friends or even a Cancer Crusader themselves. My hope is that by sharing who Daddy is as a person, and the choices he makes each day to "Stand Up To Cancer." someone may find the comfort and solace they are seeking and know there is happiness to be found within the hours that pass throughout the days, months and hopefully years after a Cancer diagnosis. So I will give a brief update on the physical alignments he is experiencing at this time but will focus mostly on the choices he has made in continuing to live and laugh with those around him while he is blessed with time to do so.Since my last post Daddy has had a catheter placed in his abdomen, allowing us to drain his stomach from home on a more consistent basis; Mom does this and she is amazing. 

Moon Lake

Fish Lake

Bear Lake







Swimming in St. George

 "Leftie and Rightie"

The first few times we did this it was a little                   

bit startling, but knowing that when we do  it Daddy is able to avoid having to endure the discomfort, nausea and dehydration that he would be experiencing otherwise gets you past the emotional heartbreak real quick. Since the placement of this catheter Daddy has been able to eat and drink a little more, not that he wants to, but he does it and has been able to keep it all down! His hands and feet are still sore but when "Leftie" and "Rightie" (Mindie and Sarah) are in town they do a great job moisturizing his feet which helps a lot, so he has now appropriately nicknamed the two of them "Leftie and Rightie." His circulation is not fantastic, if he sits for too long his legs and ankles begin to swell and he turns into an Avatar, at least from the knees down anyway. His energy levels are still low but he is able to get up and down for short periods of time. He even attended church last week to help take part in the Blessing of a "Jedi," Ammon Lucas Wintle, his latest grandson. If you haven't read the "Book of Mormon" and your not a fan of  "Star Wars" you won't get any part of that joke, but trust me it's funny and it makes Daddy Laugh every time. Hospice comes in twice a week and of course, as expected they are very kind and empathetic to our situation. They provide a lot of peace of mind and validation, especially for our Sweet Mother who does such an incredible job taking care of Daddy. To be honest I don't know how she manages to get through the day  sometimes but she does it; her dedication is definitely eternal.                                                    

41st Wedding Anniversary- Manti Temple

 

It has been very difficult to watch Daddy go into this decline over the past few weeks, however we do not overlook the incredible blessings and the kindness our Father in Heaven has shown to us. I remember thinking when Daddy was first diagnosed nearly a year ago how grateful I would be if we could only have him with us for another year. Here we are today, nearly at the end of that request and I am grateful. Not only were we given this time with Daddy but he has also been blessed with the health, strength and energy he has needed to enjoy this time with his Family and Friends. He has accomplished several of his goals and been able to participate and experience in what our Family has considered to be moments of measurements or milestones. Things like being well enough to celebrate Christmas, and then being able to see his 16th Grandchild, Jake Merrill, born and blessed. Of course his 41st Wedding Anniversary in March, spent at the Manti Temple and then an evening with Burt Bacharach! Bailee's Baptism and Confirmation in May, fishing trips throughout the summer, Major



My Birthday and Father's Day Golf

League Baseball Games, Swimming and Golf in St. George, my birthday of course (Only mentioned because I was born on Father's Day and so for Daddy and I this is like our own little Holiday) and then a milestone for our entire Family was of course, Father's Day itself. An opportunity we hoped we would have to celebrate with him here on this earth. He has been able to spend time at Moon Lake, Bear Lake, and St. George, seen Mary Poppins, The Beach Boys and last week he was able to attend, as earlier mentioned, the blessing of his 17th Grandchild, Ammon Lucas. Next week he is looking forward to another milestone, Fish Lake. A Labor Day camping tradition for my Family since I was young and that is where we are at now. Fighting everyday with Leftie, Rightie, Jedi's and Avatars for the life we want to live. You might be asking what do we do now or how we move forward after the Dr. has told us there are no more treatment options available? I think Dr. Seuss gives the best advice regarding this very situation when saying:

 

 "Sometimes the questions are complicated, but the answers are simple." 

 

And He is right, the answer for us is very simple. It is this, when Dr's Say there is nothing else they can do, then it is especially the time to make sure each day is one worth remembering, ours days as of late are spent looking a little like this....

Ladies and Gentleman keep your Arms and Legs in at all times, and enjoy...

"The Chemo Coaster-"