"Too Bad So Sad..."

Last week I wrote that we were going in the following morning to begin a new Chemo treatment, and here is the update, it didn't happen, let me explain. When we arrived they did the traditional testing and blood work, they accessed his port and prepared him to begin his new treatment but before they began his results came back showing his platelets and cell counts were too low to begin the new treatment. So as I sit here tonight I find myself in the same moments as last Sunday night, nervous, anxious and fearing the unknown. Although we are not certain exactly how Daddy will react or how the chemo will effect him there are a few things we do know. He will have a chemo treatment called Folfirinox, which will last approximately 5 hours. Then he will go home with a pump and return to have it removed and the line flushed 48 hours later. The treatment is repeated every 2 weeks. This treatment is a lot more toxic, what does that mean exactly? Your guess is as good as mine, but I assume it means that while his other treatment targeted certain proteins found in the cells preventing severe side effect, this treatment will essentially kill everything, leaving Daddy feeling really crumby, tired, nauseous, pigment changes, and very susceptible to other immunity challenges. I told Daddy last week that I am not sure what will happen or how he will feel but he will not be ALONE and I feel the same tonight. We will go through this as a Family much like we have with everything else, Cancer wont break that bond; it can't, no matter how hard it may try it will NEVER EVER be able to destroy, dent or even damage the love our Family shares for You and for one another.
                                                                 So....

 CANCER,

YOU LOSE!!!

Now GO Away Please,

FOREVER!!!

"The Toughest"

So tomorrow begins another unknown walk into the unwelcome reality of Chemotherapy. It has been a little over 7 months since Daddy was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and the treatment options were given to him. Essentially he chose to go with a treatment that, if it's possible to say, has been good to him. My explanation of this is simple. My Family feels that the treatment he has been on has allowed him to continue with a QUALITY of life letting him enjoy his Family and life with all of us. There have been many Holidays and Milestones he has looked forward to and has been able to attend and accomplish, and although there is sure to be more, we are at a point now where it is time to move forward with a more aggressive treatment.
After the first three months of treatment scans showed no continued signs of growth in the tumors. After six months, the original tumors had not continued to grow but various blood work were increasing slightly in numbers and then in a recent outpatient surgery a small tumor was discovered. Although the size of this tumor was not something big enough to be detected by scans the Dr.'s felt it was time to switch treatments. So here we go again. I feel like I am writing the night before our first visit with the Oncologist. Everything was so unexpected and unknown then, much like it is tonight, however we have learned a few things since then and although it breaks my heart to see the nerves in Daddy's glances I know that "all things are possible" and Daddy carries with him a great amount of Strength, Courage and Faith, he is after all a "Tough Guy." I know this because after we discussed his concerns and anxieties about tomorrow he looked at Mom and me and said, "but I am a tough guy, right?" Yes Daddy, you are the toughest and if anyone can do this it is you. I don't know what will happen, I don't know how you will feel, but I can promise you that you will NOT be alone, never at any time during this experience will you ever be alone.  We are all here with you; We love you and care so much for you. So together we will do this, together, we will face this and no matter what, We Will WIN; in so many ways Daddy we already have!!!!