The Importance of a Chainsaw!

Oct 22 2012

Daddy is doing very well. He went hunting with Jared and his Family and enjoyed himself very much, but no elk, or Deer, or whatever it is they aim to shoot at?! He wakes up every morning to take his Tarceva at 5 am and then goes back to sleep, why? Because he is supposed to take it one hour before he eats and I guess he eats before 6:30 am! He worked really hard today and I was lucky enough to spend the afternoon with him. Tomorrow is the neighborhood clean up and he has had a huge pile of what use to be the shed in our back yard. At one time this shed was used as a platform to jump off of and onto the trampoline, that was of course until Daddy introduced us to the Roof, but we all know what that got him, and if you don't know, it was a Broken Tailbone! Anyway he tore down the shed this past summer and the ruble has been waiting in a pile for the fall clean up to come around so we cleared it all out today and put it on the curb.  When we were done his thoughts of course turned to the obsession he has with the tree stump in my front yard, so  guess where we went next? You got it, my house!we went to my house. Daddy pulled out is chainsaw and said he wanted to make sure that I knew how to use it. So he gave me a very detailed tutorial that of I course I don't remember any of because all I kept thinking about was this may be the last time I have an experience like this with him, and in that moment I hated that stupid Chainsaw! Daddy interrupted me about half way through and asked me"Are you listening?"  I of course quickly responded with "Ya, Ya daddy loosen the chain and then tighten it when I am done, got it" But of course I hadn't gotten any of it I had only responded that way because I was simply repeating what subconscious had recorded and remembered. Then, I made a decision. I decided that I will no longer be sad while Daddy is here. I will no longer label any moment I have with him as the last because all I will be left with is a stupid chainsaw that I don't know how to work! My point is that I will miss out on the experience, the joy and the laughter that Daddy and I have when we are together. Unfortunately grief and heartbreak can not be avoided, so in those moments when sadness begins to set in I will remember that I can kiss his sweet little head or hold his hand and feel the warmth that is still inside him right now and if ever necessary I can still ask  him how to use that stupid chainsaw of his!

When Daddy felt victorious in his efforts of removing that wretched stump and all had been made right in his world we returned back home to find James and Diana had come by to visit him. This seemed to lift his spirits even more, James did a great job of making him laugh and I could see a worry free Daddy.  Later Mom expressed that she was concerned because Daddy kept saying  he was very tired, and I assured her that this was do to all the hard work he had accomplished earlier in the day and explained that he really was probably, just tired. She is doing a great job trying to stay positive for him and I am amazed at her strength. I have always said that I am indeed my “Fathers Daughter” and that his traits come very naturally to me, but my Mother’s traits are defiantly something I strive to learn and mimic. She is beautiful and brilliant in all her ways and she adores my Father. Tonight they were talking about their dating days and Mom asked Daddy if he remembered how skinny she was. He smiled and said, "I remember that you were just you and I didn’t know that meant you were skinny." It was a simple but very genuine compliment. He loves her so much I can see it just in the way he looks at her. Any concern he has right now is for her and if I were to guess, they all have something to do with being apart from her and wanting to make certain that she is cared of until they can be together again.  It's amazing the connection the two of them have, and I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to see the sincerity of their love for one another. We watched a video the other night about a couple only married for three weeks when the husband was diagnosed with cancer. This couple shared many positive and inspirational thoughts, but the most impactful was when this young husband said that the Dr’s had given him a 20% chance to live but that he KNEW he had a 100% chance to be with his Bride for All of Eternity. This was very sweet and I have to say that it was a very comforting reminder of the knowledge we have and the belief that families are eternal. It is true that happiness does not just exist in this world but dare I say, that it is indeed infinite.